Stay Classy: TV3’s Newshrub

I had a dream in which media magnate Mark Weldon spoke to me.

“TRP, me old son, the people don’t like the news”.

“Which people?”, I asked, naively.

“The shareholders, of course”, he replied with a look of contempt. “Now get a press release out toot fucken sweet or you’ll find yourself working at Scout!”

I took the hint. Nobody wants to work at Scout. Nobody.

MEDIA RELEASE; Embargoed until someone cares.

MediaWorks’ new multi-platform news service will launch on February 1.

Newshrub, an integrated digital, TV and radio advertising service, will quite possibly provide breaking news and in-depth analysis across MediaWorks’ TV and radio channels, as well as online through a mobile app and website, the company says, giggling nervously. No, honestly, we really do think this will work. Why are you looking at me like that?

Newshrub Live at 6pm will be presented by Mike McRoberts and Hilary Barry, while Jeff McTainsh will present Newshrub Midday. Both bulletins hope to use their allocated 2 and a half minutes of quality journalism time to deliver the news that matters to real New Zealanders. Sadly, Max Key was unavailable for comment.

Journalism is all about communities, and with our integration our ‘community’ has just got a lot wider,” McRoberts says. “Though I recognise that the NZ community is a relatively fixed amount of people and nothing we do actually changes that amount to make it wider, which makes my comment a load of old tosh” McRoberts didn’t go on to say.

Newsworthy will be rebranded as Newshrub Latte, and be hosted by Samantha Hayes until she gets a better offer. The weekend news bulletin will be hosted by Melissa Davies and Tom McRae, both of whom are returning from overseas posts and are already wondering why.

The service will also provide news content across other programmes, such as Paul Henry and, er, Paul Henry,  and will place a strong emphasis on digital. TV3 have, of course, already given a strong digital signal to fans of John Campbell via the middle finger on Mark Weldon’s right hand.

Newshrub combines the power of our radio, TV and digital newsrooms and is focused on providing tailored content to all platforms,” says MediaWorks Group Head of Once Was News, Mark Jennings. “No, I don’t know what that means, either“, Jennings went on to say in his head.

Specialist teams of interns will work on breaking stories in the areas of most interest to New Zealanders. As long as most New Zealanders live in the Eden Terrace or Parnell areas, that is. We won’t be telling you what is happening, or why it is happening. But something’s happening. I know because I read about it on twitter. Which is where our viewers should probably go for real news, too.”

Ends. Badly.

3 News(hrub)


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